Alone & Afraid II...& A Stalker?

Hey peepz, I'm back to write my blog. A continuation of my last blog. Hehe..hope it won't be too disjointed.

It's 5.21am and me still awake thinking back what had happened for the past 2 days. Hmm..as I mentioned that I was supposed to find that *special* person. Well, for all my indecisiveness(becoz I think too much about the outcome and fear of rejection), I really went to look for 'that person'.

{continue..}
Around 93opm(28th April), I took a cab there. I was not sure about the place's name.

mNg > boleh pergi itu tempat dekat larkin punya ah? itu condominium opposite balai bomba.
driver > naik naik. Cepat.
mNg > berapa wang ar?
driver > RM6 lah.
mNg > eh, biasa saya naik RM4 atau RM5 saja lor. Jangan ingat saya tak tau la. I orang JB lor.
*I try to bluff abit. Haha..=P then he kept quiet and continue driving.
driver > ohh..itu condo namanya ialah Impian..err...saya pun sudah lupa la.
mNg > tak apa...so, RM4 yah.
*I was more interested in bargaining the cab fare. Haha.. =P. He kept quiet. And we reached there not more than 5 minutes later.
mNg > Nah....
*I handed him RM4
driver > RM5 la boss.
mNg > sudah tak ada wang lor. Hanya ada RM4 saja.
driver > Betul ke? RM5 la.
mNg > betul la. Tak ada lagi. Saya hanya pelajar.
*oops...i lie again.
driver >Ok la..cincai la.
*I went off the cab and walk to that person's condo block. See!! M'sian cab driver always try to cheat the passenger even RM1 more also will do. Have meter also dun want to use! That's y people who have skills like mine. Haha...but people, pls dun try this at home. Lying is no good for u. Keke...have mouth say other ppl. How about myrself??

At that point of time I was stil contemplating whether to go up. So I messaged Diana(my housemate - the only one who gave me courage to seek for the answer I need to know). She scolded me in her sms to not to be such a 'woman' in such situation. It was a slap in the face. Couldn't really imagine myself could 'chicken out' like that. So with my ego at stake, I replied her.

"Wah kao. Dun say me like tat la. Ok ok. Just DO IT. Yeah...NIKE!!haha.."

I went up. Knocked on the door. A lady opened the door. That person's mum
*my heart was pumping so fast like it has never beat before*

mNg > Hiiii...auntie. Sorry...
*I'm embarassed coz auntie was scared. Normally no one knocks on her door at that hour.
Auntie > Ohh...it's u. I thought who...eh you look for her ar?
mNg > Hehe...yaya. Sorry again for frightening u. I didn't mean it. I'll be goin to KL in an hour time. She's not in?
Auntie > ohh..she's not staying here during week days. Only come back on weekends. She's working in Singapore now. U didn't know? How come? U never contact her meh?
mNg > I knew actually. But I thought she's in and out of Singapore everyday.
Auntie > Y don't u call her?
mNg > hehe..paiseh. I dun have her new number. I tried to call but couldn't get through. So I assumed she changed her handphone.
Auntie > No la. she still uses the same number when she's back here.
mNg > Can I hv her Singapore number?
Auntie > Hold on, I go get my handphone.....here u go her hp number.
mNg > Ermm..i think the number is short of one number. Should hv 8 numbers. U neva call her on this number?
Auntie > Neva..but the place she's staying has housephone. this is the number.
mNg > Okok...I copy it down. Where is she staying in Singapore?
Auntie > auntie also dunno la. I dunno 'ang mo'. so I dunno what's the place called.
mNg > Oh..nvm then.thanks. sorry again. I'll try to call her when I go back to Singapore. Gotta go now,auntie.Thanks alot. Bye bye.
Auntie > Bye.

*(thinking) so desune. Icic. she's living in singapore. maybe can bump into her one day.

After that I went back to City Square and waited for the train to KL.

When I was typing the previous blog, I did sms that person's cousin asking for hp number. She never replied but last nite(29th April) she replied.

"Wen frenship ends, sumthin had happened. Maybe it's not yr fault but I won't boycott my cousin. Don't call sms me or call me anymore. I'll tell u nothing about her..bye!"

I was shocked reading it. Felt quite down by that. I lost another friend because of this. Kept thinking about it and asking questions.

[How come this happened?]
[Am I wrong?]
[If yes, what I've done wrong?]
[Am I wrong for being proactively seeking the answers which I need to know?]
[Why that person want to cut off every leads from me?]
[Yes, we are from different world but which 2 person in this world is completely compatible and from the same world?]
[Why am I still feels the same way I felt almost a year ago?]
[Why can a person who was once a VIP to that person being treated like this?]
[Am I so scary?So scary till I sounds, looks, appear like a freak?]
[Oh my gosh...am I a STALKER by doing what I did i.e. looking at that person's friendster,try to get leads to reach that person from ppl we know, go to that person's home in JB to meet up?]

I am thinking to stop. Stop feeling. Stop seeking. Stop thinking. And start packing all that is related to the deepest coldest corner of my heart just like what I did my 1st relationship.

Do I have a choice or I don't even have a choice?

Well, all of that aside, I really had a great time ytrday meeting 2ndary schoolmates at February's wedding receiption. Hehe...so many to catch up and we tried to update each other as much as we can durin the 3 hour dinner. February is 2ndary classmate. She was gorgeus just now. That's y ppl always say, especially women, that a woman is at prettiest moment when she wears her wedding gown. True leh! =)

A lot of my friends are attached and a few of them already planned to get married. Feb's the 1st one. Irene Yeong is next in June. Yoke Li's will be in Dec and Jiunn Hoong around Jan/Feb next year 2006. Sigh...almost 24 years old liao. Few more years down the road it's my turn already. Haha...it also has to depend on whether there's a woman who is willing to marry me in the future.

After the dinner I went to meet Grace. This cute friend from Cheras. Went to uptown for supper with her. I remember she told me before this meeting that she likes to drink plain water. Man, she really can! She finished a big bottle of mineral water in less than hour of our time at the mamak. Hehe...so geng! It was pleasing chatting with her. She talk very fast in her fluent cantonese. Everytime I talk to her, I would laugh and laugh. Haha...happy.

Alone....not anymore nowadays.

Afraid....I overcame it.

A stalker??? *sigh*