Dream of Na

It has been a very long time since I last had a dream. But last nite I dreamt of her. Everything that we went through during the 'time' we had went once again in my dream. However, the dream had something more. I dreamt of the things after we ended (which in reality it didn't). I dreamt that I was very sad after she initiated the break up. I didn't say a word. I didn't say what I said in reality. I didn't ask the questions that I asked in reality. I didn't contact her that much (which I did in reality). It turned out to be much better in the dream. What I mean is that, in the dream, we took time off and become normal friends. She went on with her life. Started a relationship with that guy. They didn't go on well and eventually they were not together after some time.

After that, she came to me crying very badly and felt very down. As a normal friend(which I still had feelings for her), I comforted her and lent my shoulder to her. Many days after that the old flame between us sparked off and we were together again. We were very happy together. Just like the time when we were together in the first time. It felt so real...

Well, for the past 1 months plus I haven't been thinking about the our past and had given up on us (if ever there would be one) after I went to her house in JB to look for her. How on earth that this dream happened last nite? Maybe there's still something in me that is still feel for her. I asked myself many times a couple months ago this question:

"Tee Ming, do you still want to find ways to patch up this past relationship?"
A: No. I don't think it will do anything good. She would most definitely absolutely irritated by me.

"Tee Ming, should u stop feeling for her and cut off everything that is related to her and move on?"
A: Yes.

A few times some of my friends asked me:

"What if some day she come back to look for you and apologize for what has happened and ask you to get back together with her again, would you agree? Or would you be friends with her again? She hurt u quite a lot leh. Can tahan meh?"
A: I dunno. I really dunno. I want to stop feeling for her. If this really happened, I would not agree straight and would be friends again with her first. Other things just "Suen qi zhi ran ba". See how things goes. I would not say there's no possiblity. Don't say she hurt me la. There are a lot of things I don't know in fact. Many things are just my guesses such as she and him was an item not long after we broke up.

Every time my friend hear this last time, they would say that I'm super duper stupid. Why on earth would I be friends with her again. But I guess that's me. I really hold no grudge against anyone for long. Even to my Cindy, I would still be friends with her although much hurtful comments things happened between us. That's me.

Well well...after the dream, I've been uneasy about it. Don't know why. It couldn't be me thinking too much about the possibilites between us. But now I realized that actually there's something left in me. Something that make me still feel down. Something that make me want to see her again. Something that make me want to ask her a lot of question.(yet again!!)

Darn!! I'm so complicated!! I'm 'chang qing'!! I'm soft-hearted!! Why like that? That's me!!

Hmm...maybe this dream is related to what Winnie a.k.a XiaoXiong told me the other day when we chatted at a foodcourt at Jurong East. She told me that Xinyi told her that Xinyi saw a girl walked pass them looks like Na the other day when Xinyi, Nicola and her went out to Orchard. Well, I'm not surprised because Na is working and living in Singapore (I don't know where she works) and only goes back to JB during weekends or holiday.

Aii....